BarCamp is a conference sort of thing that revolves around a Wiki. Basically you sign up to come pitch your useless startup to a bunch of other jerkoffs who are pitching their useless startups, and it doesn't stop until everyone gets a full release.

One of the principles of BarCamp is that every attendee must contribute somehow, either with a presentation of some sort, or by videotaping it for posterity. The more I read, the more it sounds like a swingers' party.

It's going down again at SocialText's (who the fuck are they?) office in Palo Alto this August 18-19. If anybody out there knows a good local high school football team to come and administer wedgies, swirlies, and general nerd-beatings, let me know, I am interested in sponsorship.

It's Really Just 300 People Sucking Up To Arrington

Many "famous founders" have been known to attend BarCamp. That's one of the draws for the Ajax generation - that you can meet someone rich to help you fund your revolutionary new web-based social-wiki-tagging-voting-and-ajax calendar, because, ya know, it's an original idea.

When Arrington shows up, the circlejerk begins. Picture it: hundreds of would-be entrepreneurs all pick up the scent of self-importance as Michael enters the room. At first, there is a sense of disbelief. Would Arrington actually be seen here? The eyes convince the mind that yes, this is it. This is your shot at success! After an eerie silence, there is complete pandemonium. Founders rush toward Arrington, beating eachother with laptops like soccer houligans.

The Hand of Michael reaches out and touches the founders, who at this point have been reduced to a pack of screaming girls in the front row of an *NSync concert. When it is all over, nobody really knows who has been tapped for TechCrunch fame and who will be left behind. It is all up to Michael, the Creator, to drive the traffic around Web 2.0.

Wow, That Gave Me A Little Bit Of A Hard-On, Too

I surprise myself sometimes. Anyhow, where was I? Right. A bunch of God-damned nerds. Anyone can hold a BarCamp, because it's cute and decentralized like that. There are a set of rules, however, designed to carry on the spirit of the camp. These rules are a failed parody of the Fight Club rules:

So, this weekend in Palo Alto will be one of the biggest nerd-orgies in history. Everybody who think they're somebody will be there, which raises a rhetorical question: if you throw a party, and Valleywag doesn't show up, have you failed?