TechCrunch alerted me to a new service called Kindersay, where you can park your kids in front of the computer and a whitest-of-the-white woman teaches them how to say words. No joke, this woman plays Celine fucking Dion on Canadian TV. Celine Dion. Canadian TV. Which way to the nearest Starbucks?

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These guys plan to monetize by charging $6/month to let you upload pictures of your family, have a favorites list of words, and create a word show from those words. Yes, I know the absurd amount of money that parents spend on their kids to "give them an advantage", so comparatively, this thing is pretty cheap. And I'm sure parents will buy it, too. I tell you what, though - you want to give your kid a leg up? Read him bedtime stories from Kernighan and Ritchie. If you don't know what that is, it's time for you to leave the Uncov Internets and go back to the TechCrunch Internets.

Still, though. Only $6/month to excuse yourself from parental responsibility? Sweet. Autonomous parenting. Even Arrington likes it:

The next time you’re too busy to actually spend time with your kid, just plop them down in front of the computer, fire up Kindersay and let them do their thing. They’ll grow up to be smart, considerate, well adjusted kids. I’m sure of it. --Michael Arrington, Internet Blowhard

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You can't argue with Tay.

Believe me, I am all for that multiculturalism shit, but you have to be genuine about it. You can't just put a few stock photos of hot curly-haired black women on your website and declare a win for diversity. Don't jerk yourself off for "doing something to help kids" when you're helping kids who need it the least. I mean my God, look at this stock image from Kindersay's front page:

(Wardrobe brought to you by the Gap) Seriously, though. Want to do something great for kids? Come down to West Oakland and be a father figure to a kid who doesn't have one.

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It comes as no surprise that this service was started by a couple of academics. Something tells me that they're going to be horrified by this article, having never faced any serious criticisms in their careers. Ah, fuck it. What do I care? Gotta get your truth from somewhere.

And that's today's lesson from the Uncov School of Hard Knocks.